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Baseball Jokes

100 Baseball Jokes just for you!

  1. Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches!
  2. What did the baseball glove say to the ball?…”Catch ya later!”
  3. Which baseball player holds water?…The pitcher.
  4. Why are some umpires fat?…They always clean their plate!
  5. Why are spiders good baseball players?… Because they know how to catch flies!
  6. Why are baseball games at night?… Because bats sleep during the day!
  7. Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?… Someone stole second base!
  8. Is There Baseball In Heaven? Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90′s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
  9. Have you ever seen a line drive?… No but I have seen a baseball park!
  10. “Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch?”…  ”Forget it. You just missed it.”
  11. “Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?”…   “Forget it. It’s way over your head.”
  12. Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park?… Because of all the Giant Fans!
  13. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?… You can buy a Fenway Frank hotdog in October!
  14. Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?… From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle
  15. Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?”…“Roof,” the dog barked. Bob wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels….“Rough.” He still wasn’t convinced. “O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog….“Ruth.” With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: “Was it Hank Aaron?”
  16. Where did the baseball player wash his socks?… In the bleachers.
  17. A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”
  18. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man?… Pitching like no one has ever seen.
  19. Which superhero is the best at baseball?… Batman.
  20. What cartoon character is the best at baseball?… Homer Simpson.
  21. How do baseball players keep in touch?….They touch base every once in a while.
  22. What has 18 legs and catches flies?…A baseball team!
  23. Why do girls like baseball?… It’s the only sport played on a diamond!
  24. “Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?”
  25. Why are frogs good outfielders?… They never miss a fly.
  26. Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?…She had a pumpkin for a coach.
  27. What is a baseball player’s favorite thing about going to the park?… The swings!
  28. A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
  29. What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?… Babe Root.
  30. Why are singers good at baseball?… Because they have perfect pitch!
  31. Do you know what cupcakes & a baseball team have in common?… They both count on the batter!
  32. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?… a double header!
  33. What are the rules in zebra baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out.
  34. Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?… She ran away from the ball.
  35. What do baseball players use to bake a cake?… Oven MITTS, BUNT pans and BATTER.
  36. A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
  37. Why don’t baseball players join unions?… Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
  38. Why is Fenway Park the coolest place to be?… Because it’s full of fans.
  39. How is a baseball like a pancake?… They both need a good batter.
  40. Why did the baseball player shut down his website?… He wasn’t getting any hits!
  41. Son: Dad, what does a ballplayer do when his eyesight starts going bad? Dad: He gets a job as an umpire.
  42. Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform?… New Jersey
  43. Riddle: A man leaves home, makes a left turn, makes another left, then another left turn and goes home again. When he gets home there are two men wearing masks waiting for him. Who are they?… The catcher and the umpire.
  44. Baseball Riddle: “Why is it called the World Series if only North American teams can play?”
  45. Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game?… He wanted to play like the Babe.
  46. Why don’t matches play baseball?… One strike and your out!
  47. Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player.”… Every time he plays, I wonder why I bothered to get him.
  48. What do baseball players eat on?… Home plates.
  49. What is the difference between a boy who is late for dinner and a baseball hit over the fence?… One runs home and the other is a home run.
  50. Why are baseball players so rich?… Because they play on diamonds!
  51. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he pitches?… If he raised both legs, he would fall down.
  52. One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are. The teacher asks the class, “Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?” Billy raises up his hand and says, “Yeah, Pennsylvania!”. The teacher replies, “Very good, Billy!, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?” Suzy raises her hand and says, “That’s in Michigan!” The teacher again says, “Very good.” Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, “Where’s Kansas City?” Tommy raises his hand and says, “Oh Oh Pick me!!!, I know?” The teacher says, “OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?” “Last place.”
  53. What animal is best at hitting a baseball?… A bat!
  54. Where do coal diggers play baseball?… In the miner (minor) leagues.
  55. How can you pitch a winning baseball game without throwing a ball?… Only throw strikes.
  56. Why did the baseball batter go crazy?… The pitcher kept throwing screwballs.
  57. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  58. Where does a catcher sit for dinner?… Behind the plate.
  59. Did you hear the joke about your pitching style?”…  ”Never mind. It’s foul.”
  60. Two guys are walking down a street in hell when it begins to snow. One guy looks up at it and says, “Well, it finally happened. The Cubs just won the World Series.”
  61. What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?… One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
  62. What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?… The fence!
  63. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a baseball bat. How do you get out?… Unlock the door, of course!
  64. Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the double header?… Because the home team lost the opener.
  65. Why don’t orphans play baseball?… They don’t know where home is.
  66. There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing Take Him Out of The Ball Game!
  67. Which baseball manager’s last name is Italian for ‘a long-bladed weapon of war?’ Tommy Lasorda
  68. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Jose… Jose who? Jose can you see be the dawn’s early light.
  69. Why did the baseball team hire a cook?… They needed a good batter.
  70. One hit struck a chicken… Now that was a real “fowl ball!”
  71. What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player?… An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.
  72. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat?… Father Vampire: By the wings, son.
  73. Why did the Brookside Angels have a ghost on their team? To add a little team spirit.
  74. Where can you find the largest diamond in the world?… On a baseball field.
  75. Why was the mummy sent into the game as a pinch hitter?… Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all wrapped up.
  76. One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “”Very well, But you realize that we’ve got all the good players, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil snickered, “I know, and that’s all right, We’ve got all the umpires.”
  77. Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?… Sparky Anderson
  78. Which baseball players is a fruitarian?… Darryl Strawberry
  79. Why did the police arrest the baseball player?… He stole 3rd base!
  80. What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?… A throw rug.
  81. The pitcher really had good control today… Didn’t miss a bat for three innings!
  82. If brownie mix is on first base, pudding on second, and cookie dough on third base, who is hitting at the plate?… The cake batter.
  83. Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Uriah…Uriah who?… Keep Uriah on the ball.
  84. Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Phillip… Phillip who?… Let’s phillip the bases.
  85. A baseball scout found a remarkable prospect–a horse who was a pretty good fielder and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a try-out with a big league team. Up at bat, the horse slammed the ball into far left field and stood at the plate, watching it go. “Run!” the manager screamed, “Run!” “Are you kidding?” answered the horse. “If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”
  86. What happens to baseball players who go blind?… They become umpires.
  87. What do Jose Offerman and Michael Jackson have in common?… They both where a glove for no apparent reason.
  88. Why couldn’t Robin play baseball?… He forgot his bat, man.
  89. Why is it always cool at a baseball game?… Because that is where all the fans are!
  90. MLB is deciding whether or not to reinstate Pete Rose in the 2014 season. When asked about it, Rose said, “I hope they do, cause I’ve got $50 riding on it.”
  91. A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started…….the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts” And the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem …he yelled, “Down Nuts”. And they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts”. They all brokeout into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts!!!” and they all started booing and cat calling. Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked,” What in the world happened? “The assistant replied, “Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!
  92. How is a baseball like a waffle?… They both need a good batter.
  93. Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game?… He heard the Yankees were playing.
  94. When is a baseball player like a spider?… When he catches flies.
  95. What is the difference between baseball and law?… In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.
  96. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?… In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
  97. Why was the piano tuner hired to play baseball?… Because he had perfect pitch.
  98. What are the best kind of stockings for baseball players to wear?… Stockings with runs in them.
  99. Why did the Yankees play in Jellystone Park?… Because Yogi wasn’t allowed to leave the park.
  100. What famous Greek might have invented baseball?… Homer.


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